No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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