I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
