Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize