I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
