My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
