Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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