Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
