you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
