What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
