my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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