We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
