I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
