He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Someone signed my nipple.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
