he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
