There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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