i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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