Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
