What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
