I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
