Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize