I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
