Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
