Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
