then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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