my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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