I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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