I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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