Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize