Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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