OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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