You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This gyro tastes like lonliness
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize