you have to choose: penises or morals?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
