why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
