He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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