Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
