dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
