omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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