Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
