i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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