I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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