I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
