yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she woke up with a sticky ear
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
