I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
