i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
