Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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