Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
