i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sex in a hospital.. check
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
