i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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