I must be too annoying 4 u.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize