i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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