Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
