I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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