we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can't motorboat a personality
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize