It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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