If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
