I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
