This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
