Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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