I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
