i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
