Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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