Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
