Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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