the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
