I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
