his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
