Cold hands, warm shart.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
