I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
