This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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