Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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