You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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