let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
