You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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