Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
