you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
