i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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