fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
